"...What We Have Within the Moment is Enough."

The other day my phlebotomist friend asked me to put pressure on the spot where my IV had been. (Note: become friends with the people who regularly stab you. ;) This gal and I have talked a lot and grown close; she had chronic Lyme disease and aggressively treated it to the best of her ability with four-ish IVs every other day through a PICC line, plus oral medicine, for a whole year and a half. She still has it because it's a critter that seems to linger, but she does occasional treatments and says she's doing a lot better.

"So this is treatment number four? Are you starting to feel any better?" she asked.

"Well..." I thought. Was I?

"I mean, not great or anything, but are you noticing any good changes?"

And you know...? I didn't rightly know just then. My inner elbow hurt. Then the lightbulb came on and I said, "I actually think so!"

"Like maybe ten percent?" as she gathered up the tubing.

"I don't know, but I think I AM doing better!"

What I was remembering was the day I did laundry for an hour that week. It has been MONTHS since I washed anything. That was progress! Serious progress!

For the last two weeks I've lolled around on the couch, tired but unable to sleep, and wanting to read and study but lacking memory and focus. So I found what yarn I had in the house and crocheted. I created! And not just created: I created big projects. Ba-BAM!

I tolerate the medicine better now than I did at the start. Body, you rock! Give me a booyah!

Today it rained, but it tickled me inside. I'm over some major humps of emotion issues related to years of illness. Can I get a big fat YAHOO?

I folded two baskets of laundry today. My "Ta Da!" list is growing I tell you!

And as I folded, I marveled at my washing machine and dryer. What marvels! I felt angels press close to me as I admired these machines that my ancestors never would have dreamed of. I felt them press close as I delighted in the workmanship of the clothes I folded and put away. The fabric was spun and dyed into beautiful colors and patterns, the the seams were secure and the buttons and zippers all worked. I added clean scarfs to my scarf collection and smiled at the feelings each one invoked. Golly, there is just beauty everywhere. And I just got to fold two basketfuls of it. Those angels pressed closer and imbibed me with unspeakable gratitude for the wonder of the moment.

It's human to have ups and downs, and I've had more down moments than ups for years. But how grateful I was for that moment.

I watch the show "Call the Midwife" and appreciated this insight by the aged Nurse Jenny Lee:

"Perfection is not a polished thing. It is often simply something that is sincerely meant. Perfection is a job complete, praise given, prayer heard. It can be kindness shown, thanks offered up. Perfection is what we discover in each other, what we see reflected back. And if perfection eludes us, that doesn't matter. For what we have within the moment is enough."

Am I making progress? I don't know physically. But I know about the present moment, and it is perfect. All is well in my world. Everything is as it should be. The future is just the present that hasn't happened yet, and so it is wondrous and perfect too. My "progress" is fine, and it is enough. This present I live in is a magnificent gift.

I was going to end there, but it got ever so quiet just now and I could hear my heart beating in my ear. Do you even know how cool our hearts are? I have carried hearts and turned them over in my hands. I have studied the multiplicities of what we know about their electric current and the nature of the cell types. I have monitored multiple people's heart rhythms through the night and just cried at what miracles they are. This, to me, is the most beautiful of all the organs.

Take a moment and feel your heart. Thank it for serving you all this time without ever resting. That's unconditional love. Think of Who that love comes from, Who gives us daily breath. Every present moment of our lives is full of unconditional love as it beats within our chests.