Hard Times are a Good Sign

The hardest part about a trial is not knowing how long it will last. I think, "When will things get back to normal and be good again?"

As an example, after several months of postpartum depression, I wondered: Will it be six more months? Will it be a year? If I knew, I could plan my life: lower my expectations, say no to social things on bad days, admit to it, defend my resting space, maybe seek better treatment...

I thought if I could just be given an estimate from The Lord about how long the trial would last, I'd deal better with the trial.

We all may naturally do this, but there are actually flaws with this kind of wondering. Here are a few I have tried to overcome:

1) Having expectations is a big one (especially for a type A, overachieving, goal-driven, plan-making perfectionist like me). In times of disappointment, crisis, or grief, drop those expectations. No, don't lower them. Drop them completely, and watch to see what God has planned for your life. His plan is better and will help you grow in ways you can't imagine or plan for yourself. Since everything He gives us is good, you can "expect" the optimal outcome (whether in this life or the next) if you let God take charge of your life. This requires not worrying at all about how things are working out right now!

2) People-pleasing by trying to cover up the trial completely is another flaw. In appropriate situations, just be honest and vulnerable, but also stand up for who you are. People will either understand or judge, but it doesn't really matter what they think. Others may notice your countenance of self-knowing and peace, and they should respect your new boundaries.

Listen to the Spirit, not your fears. Often the first answer to your prayers is the right answer--you know, the first feeling of peace you get before the fear sets in. Follow that first feeling and be at peace.

3) Seeking a timeline does not help you trust The Lord day to day for your support. It does not build faith. Instead it creates feelings of despair, hopelessness, anger, depression, being lost, being forsaken, and any other negative emotion as you step further away from His loving care and support. That's no way to live! Do not counsel The Lord. Stay close to The Lord, even if you feel untidy and imperfect. Go back to Him if you strayed; He rejoices in the lost being found! We are all lost sometimes, and we are all His children. Sometimes we will act childishly or stumble and fall. But He loves us with the protective love of a parent whose baby is learning to walk. He helps us up, dusts us off, comforts us if we are hurt or angry or frustrated, and then lets us try again and again and again and again and again, always there to compassionately comfort and help us.

Awhile ago, I kind of gave up my own will and plan and built a raft in my mind out of trust and belief. I ride it so I can stop trying to control everything and let God can take me where He wants me to go. Rafts are hard to steer, so I drift: I stay in communication with Heavenly Father, and He changes the waves and winds to show me beautiful vistas (like epiphanies) or direct me through storms (so I can gain better faith and belief). Sometimes He and I sit on the raft together, and I talk while He listens. I fall into some of those flaws I talked about, and Heavenly Father reminds me with His love of the beauty He has ahead for me. Then I feel better and can be at peace again.

The wait is worth it. The wait is "but a small moment; and if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high" (Doctrine & Covenants 121:8).

So whatever the wait, rejoice in it. The wait means we are getting somewhere, at least on the inside.

I wasn't going to include this, but here is a good story from my life that illustrates how waiting works.

My second child was born naturally and rapidly. The contractions seemed to be 90 seconds of surging with 30 seconds of rest. It was difficult, but doable to a point. And then suddenly, it got real, and it didn't feel doable anymore. I was frantic with the discomfort in my body, and though I had only moaned to this point and sort of kept my cool, I started wriggling and gasping out, "I can't! I can't! I just can't do it!"

Then my experienced labor nurse said my name firmly, then cheerfully countered, "You ARE doing it!!"

She was right. That most difficult of moments was when I was making the most essential and rapid progress. The pain eased with pushing just minutes later, and my son was born almost immediately. The pain was a memory.

We can't give up. And when the times come when we can't see an end, and things are getting real, and our discomfort throws us into a frantic panic---well, I think that is a good sign. It means we're making essential progress and passing the test. We're almost over that hump. We're being trusted to handle something we think we cannot handle. The sun is about to come out. Relief or hope is around the corner!

From my experience, sometimes the relief is not large. It's just a fraction of a degree. An ounce we can suddenly add to the dumb bells we heft. A slight lift in the spirit that helps us go on. Rarely have I had a miraculous lifting of my burdens...it's more like an added bit of strength.

Jeffrey R. Holland said, "Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead... You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come" ("An High Priest of Good Things to Come," Oct 1999).

I know this is true! Don't question the timeline. Just enjoy where you are and where God is leading you. Appreciate that He trusts you to make it there. You ARE doing it!