Lyme Disease Can Probably Be Fun: "I Live in Two Worlds"

Thursday, February 12, 2015

"I Live in Two Worlds"

Could I ever wear a message like this?

Answer me this:

Is it better to deny that a disease rules your life and optimistically hope for a future that may never happen, OR is it better to let a disease become part of your identity? I don't know how else to put this question. But I'm in denial. I don't want to put a label on myself and then become that label even more. But I don't know how to excuse not being normal.

"I live in two worlds- the world of the healthy, where I put my best face out and do anything my heart is set to, and I also live in the land of the sick.... The unfortunate thing is you really can't live for very long in two worlds. It is a dizzying, exhausting dance to be two different people..."
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/chronic_illness_feelings/#.dpuf

People are public about all kinds of conditions (examples: beast cancer, heart disease, diabetes). I just don't want Lyme or my other diseases to be my identity. Yet sometimes it would be nice to cut myself a break and go with the label. Know what I mean?

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"The Uses of Adversity"

Without the right perspective, adversity makes NO SENSE. It looks like God forgot us or doesn't care or doesn't even exist. In truth, adversity is a kind opportunity to come to know the mysteries of God. The Only Ones who can show these to us are the members of the Godhead: God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost.

Ecclesiastical leaders, counselors, authors, friends, and others can try to enlighten us. But until one passes through the valley of the shadow of death and communes with The Divine, one cannot know the mysteries of the kingdom. Then the scriptures are opened in new ways to our understanding, and adversity can begin to make sense.

What are these mysteries?

"The mysteries of the kingdom are who we are, and who God is, and what our relationship to him is. Those are the mysteries of the kingdom. You can tell somebody in plain English, but they still don't know in their hearts who they really are" (The Uses of Adversity, by Carlfred Broderick, p. 24-25).

The mission of my blog is to help you remember who you are, maybe through my journey. After we are born, we become earth-bound and forget where we came from, the presence of God. Once you know who you are, that God loves you, and that what He has given for you is somehow for your highest good, you can find meaning in adversity, and maybe even learn to enjoy it!

How do you find out if God loves you? Open your heart and ask Him. He will tell you. Listen for Him in the quiet corners of your heart. Pay attention to your feelings. Eventually you'll see Him everywhere, providing the details in your life so you can grow the most. You'll see Him in the majesty of nature, in the "coincidences" (MIRACLES!) that fall together in your life. You'll hear Him in the words of scripture, an inspired friend, and in the still, small voice that comes to your mind and heart. You'll feel Him in thrills when you have joy.

He is here, all around us. And once you know He is there, you can explore Your relationship and rely on Him and thank Him for His wise purposes. He loves and trusts you enough to live with adversity. Thank Him and praise Him always.

Well hello there!

God has given me great, creative joy through writing ever since I read Harriet the Spy in the fourth grade. While I did not love this book, I was inspired to keep composition notebooks handy. I filled one after another with events, doodles, and budding insights, and have been an avid journal-keeper and writer ever since.

I know we all have problems, but writing helps me to shake off stress and share my burdens. I hope you have an outlet that is equally helpful! Thank you for being here.

In August 2014, I was diagnosed with chronic Lyme disease, MTHFR gene mutations, and scleroderma (among other conditions). I don't know if this is the whole picture of what my body is working on overcoming, but I do know that ever since the summer of 2008, my health has steadily declined to the point of significant disability. It's a grand mystery, but one I am meant to learn from in this mortal sphere for my personal growth. While I gyrate through phases of the mourning process, I can honestly say I am truly grateful for ALL I endure because of how I am coming to know God and rely on Jesus' Atonement. What JOY!

Creating this blog seemed like the most symbiotic way to help myself AND keep you updated on my life. And actually, I feel like some of my insights might be relatable or helpful.

I am a wife, mother, dancer, and a registered nurse. (Though I do not work now, I think nursing has helped me be a smarter patient.) I am a recovering, perfectionistic high achiever. I love the Pollyanna's "glad game" and laughing. Sometimes the topics here are heavy, but I hope that the words here might help you play the glad game more often in your own life.

I belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (I'm "LDS" or "Mormon"). My faith in Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is my rock and the core of who I am. To learn more about my beliefs, go to www.mormon.org or www.lds.org.