Perfectionism is EW

By nature, I get zealous easily with my personal goals.

I always wanted to become a runner, so in college I signed up for a jogging class to MAKE myself run. After three months, I was elated to reach the place where I could easily run several miles. It was a joy! Unfortunately, my coach said an injury in my achilles was very serious, and he committed me not to run the remaining fifty miles required for the A grade. (I made up the miles when I was better and got the A; that was our deal.)

Likewise, two years ago I wanted to become a reader, so I set a New Years resolution to read twelve books. It didn't happen, but I read several books last year instead and felt great about it.

I just finished a book and started a new one. My old, eager, goal-setting self spoke up first: "I'll make a stack of books to read so I know what to read next! Ooo, or a list! I love lists!"

I looked at the shelf on my left and saw the intimidating row of books marching toward me. I felt buried already. Reading instantly became a chore instead of a hobby.

Then my newly-born, live-in-the-present, live-in-amazement self spoke up: "If I finish the book I just started, I'll see if I'm in the mood to read something else afterwards. If I am, I will pick something that feels right. But right now, I'm enjoying THIS book." Aha! Reading is fun again!

Two weeks ago, the Holy Ghost whispered to my heart: "Set a little goal. You will be pleased."

I decided to try cleaning a small area in my house every day, having hardly lifted a finger to clean in five months. I knew I would back out if there was a "To Do" list because I would set my sights too high.

It's a cycle:
PERFECTIONISM leads to
PROCRASTINATION leads to
PARALYSIS leads back to
PERFECTIONISM...

With no "To Do" list in sight, every day I happened upon an area that felt easy to tidy. A couple minutes later, it was clean. I sighed in satisfaction and said a prayer of wonder and thanks.

At night, I added my accomplishments to my "Ta Da" list. Because this is a Lyme blog and I'm logging progress, I'll copy and paste my "Ta Da" list here:

"Monday: mud room bench; Tuesday: master bathroom vanity, one load of laundry; Wednesday: garbage disposal, shelf in my closet, my purse; Thursday: my brain (4 dr appts); Friday: three hours of cleaning! Washed bedding, made beds, did laundry, swept, tidied a little. A GREAT house day! I didn't get up til 2...again. But afternoon was great. Saturday: did lots of laundry and folded two baskets full, had tea party with kiddos, made bed." Also noteworthy is that I drove the car because of improved balance and reaction time. I also cooked once. I felt like I made some progress through the week. It felt great!
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Strides toward overcoming my personal perfectionism is giving me more peace in my life.

Perfectionism denotes that I rely on myself and think "it is all up to me" instead of leaning on and trusting in Jesus Christ, His love, and the power of the Atonement. Perfectionism is based in fear. I'd rather live in love, trust, and amazement. I'd like to enjoy the Love of Jesus more abundantly in my life and be a better instrument for good in my home and in this world, but I can't if I live in fear. Only love.

Our worth is not based on performance and perfection. Our worth never changes; we are precious because we are Heavenly Father's children. There is nothing we can do to make Him love us any less, and there is nothing we can do to make Him love us any MORE.

It is a relief to know that it is not possible to be completely PERFECT in this life. Like breaking the 4.0 grade point average or the perfect attendance record, the pressure is off!

I keep a list of "I am" statements on my nightstand and review it nightly so I can become that person gradually, line upon line. When degrees of the renewed me manifest, I am giddy, grateful, in awe, and amazed.

Instead of forcing difficult goals on myself, I notice that gradual, positive changes are truly grand and more likely to stick.

I choose to trust Jesus. Only through Him can I become a better person. It is not all up to me!

Jesus enables and empowers us; in Him we are made perfect. He loves each of us as a stumbling child--with compassion, empathy, and encouragement. Perfection, as completeness, is accomplished as we labor WITH Jesus instead of on our own.