Candor

I think this post won't be uplifting. Well...maybe at the end it is. It's a post of facts and current events. 

I've had such a hard few days. I'm not being a pessimist here, but I know the next few days (like, ten?) will get gradually worse. As my month ends, I get more inflamed; my head also becomes alarmingly more disjointed. It's scary. But I survive every time; this time will be no different. The pattern has been so for a few years. 

Today was my weekly day "out." Here's what I did. 

-Doctor appointment...productive, but sobering and emotionally draining

-Bee venom injections in the back

-Bought, like, seven bottles of pills (have been running low or without)

-IVs: ozone, Myers, PK, glutathione

-Paid a boatload of money

-Zoned by my friend. She said my body is struggling way more than usual, especially my brain, liver, and duodenum (I can tell)

That's a lot of stuff for me, FYI. I'll get my antibiotic IV tonight. I have a few prescriptions to fill. 

This regimen is tough. To repeat it, twice as hard and with even more stuff, is burdensome. I'm starting to feel like death again. I'm going through the stages of grief again. I feel like I have the worst cold ever, but without drainage and hacking, and with gut and joint pain and a pained, foggy brain. There is lead in every muscle cell, so it's hard to move. 

It's just not a fun time. I think I knew this was coming, but last week was pretty good. I thought I'd dodged calamity. It's catching up to me more now. 

But there are things to look forward to:

-Reading Four by Veronica Roth

-Pajamas all day and all night

-The Cosby Show reruns on DVD

-Zoning out emotionally over the next few days. (I have to, or I'll crumble.)

-Out-of-state family coming into town 

Stuff I currently love:

-The assorted, fluorescent daisies my visiting teacher's preschool-aged daughter picked out for me that are still alive and drinking water after two or three weeks

-The framed "Choose Joy" picture that my Relief Society president gave me and is displayed by the flowers

-Leftovers from meals our thoughtful friend and our moms brought us

-The scriptures, books, Redbox, Netflix

-Submitting, accepting, and not fighting the way I feel

-Spring blossoms EVERYWHERE on the trees and in our flower garden

Things are ok. I'll just keep hanging on, I guess.